compassion. conversation. clarity.

Tag: resilience

Parents & Emotions: Keep a lid on it, or let it out?

Raising young humans is always, without a doubt, an emotionally challenging job. It’s been my experience that most parents hope to do at least a few things differently than they recall from their own childhood. When you add to those normal challenges a parent’s strong desire to be better at the job, the pressure can feel overwhelming. Even the best parents aren’t perfect.  

And in spite of all the eye-poppingly negative news out there, one really positive trend has been the upswing in understanding about human emotions. (I know, it seems like the topic of human emotions would be so basic that we’d be done learning anything new, but…) What’s more important to teach the kids — free expression or self-control? Is it better to convey a constant sense of calm perfection to them or should they see how you struggle in life as an adult? So many questions! A recent study offers us some insight into how emotional expression or suppression plays a role in children’s well-being.

This article about the study, conducted at Washington State University, is a quick read. It explains the balance that parents need to find between keeping a lid on emotions and coming unglued — in front of the kids. The researchers talk about “emotional residue” — a ‘feeling’ that kids ‘pick up’ from stoic parents who are often sending confusing mixed messages.

The bottom line advice: Let children see how conflicts are handled, from beginning to end, including the related emotions. This is how they’ll learn to handle conflict in their own lives.

The ongoing challenge: Doing the above well requires parents improve their own “EQ” (emotional intelligence), so they’re better able to recognize, understand, express, and settle their own emotions. But that’s for a different blogpost…

See WSU Insider, https://news.wsu.edu/2018/11/26/emotional-suppression-has-negative-outcomes-on-children/

Karnilowicz, H. R., Waters, S. F., & Mendes, W. B. (2018). Not in front of the kids: Effects of parental suppression on socialization behaviors during cooperative parent–child interactions. Emotion. Advance online publication.
http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/emo0000527

 

science project gone awry

Spirituality, Madness, Children, and Resilience

science project gone awryThe title of this blogpost came to me in a flash. Did those 4 separate words bring you here, too, out of curiosity?

No plans for a high-level, complicated essay on the concepts — spirituality, madness, children, resilience. Just a quick list of the books currently on my reading shelf, all of which I’ve recommended to clients in recent weeks. Some were recommended to me by clients. Some I’ve read in the past, some I’m reading in the present.

The Spiritual Gift of Madness: The failure of psychiatry and the rise of the Mad Pride Movement, by Seth Farber, Ph.D.

10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting: Nurturing your child’s soul, by Mimi Doe with Marsha Walch, Ph.D.

Resilient: How to grow an unshakable core of calm, strength, and happiness, by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. with Forrest Hanson

I’ve wanted to write a brief post on books I read, without actually reviewing them, for long time. And as I looked at my current pile and wondered how they fit together, if at all, the title came to me — and I was intrigued.

Aren’t words fascinating?

Are these words —

Spirituality

Madness

Children

Resilience

— connected or disconnected, to you?